How to Build Your Self Worth
5 Ways to Build Your Self Worth
What is self-worth? It is based on your strengths and flaws; who you truly are at your core. Who are you without any accomplishments or possessions? Self-worth does not stem from accomplishments or possessions, it stems from something much deeper.
The problem is that everyone talks about self-worth and self-care all the time, but does anyone really talk about how to actually accomplish building your self-worth? That information seems more difficult to find than the mere positive encouragement.
Why don’t we know what self-worth is?
There are a number of reasons why people, but especially women, are not taught the value of self worth. We are often taught to put the needs of others ahead of ourselves, and our worth is tied to being a wife, a mother, a daughter, an employee, or any other title and hat we wear.
Oftentimes women who come from backgrounds of abuse struggle hard with their self worth, because either a parent or a husband/life partner was abusive and managed to strip that from us. If you have ever had to live even a portion of your life in survival mode due to abuse, I can guarantee seeing and knowing your own self worth seems next to impossible.
I grew up in an extremely abusive and controlling home with a textbook narcissist, so I was always in survival mode, because I never knew what would set my mother off on one of her abusive anger-driven tirades. Being a people-pleaser was what kept me safe more often than not, so I had no clue how to see my own self worth, or that I even had any for a good portion of my life.
Why should you work on building your self-worth?
When you’re insecure, life is just harder. Authentic relationships are difficult because you’re constantly worried about what others think, or that people may leave you. This can be in both friendships and romantic relationships. You know the old phrase, leave or be left? That is something someone with no self worth hears, and that is why they leave and run away from a relationship.
When you have low self-worth, the struggle with social anxiety, people pleasing, depression, anger, resentment, a lack of confidence, self-loathing, and perfectionism, are all constant daily battles. When you focus on building your self worth, you’re not only focused on becoming the best version of yourself, you’re showing yourself love and investing in your happiness.
You absolutely deserve to be happy, and building your self worth is a big part of your happiness.
Here are my five ways on how to build your self worth! Come on in and let me help you get started!
Self-awareness is step one in how to build your self worth. If you lack self-awareness, you won’t understand or appreciate your value.
Make a list, go old school with pen and paper to write these down. Make a list of your strengths, weaknesses, dreams, and fears. What are you good at? What are you terrible at? Best and worst qualities.
Take notes of both the good and the bad, and make peace with who you are right now.
How do you make peace with who you are right now? Often it is easier said than done, I know. I’ve been there. You may need to forgive yourself for something, or it may include forgiving someone else. I’ve personally had to make peace with the fact my narcissistic mother will never understand why her behavior was toxic, nor is she capable of a sincere apology because she doesn’t understand why her abusive behavior is wrong.
You may also realize that you aren’t such a bad person after all! Looking at it in black and white may put that nice little reminder in perspective for you. You’ve got some amazing qualities that you may not have seen before. The key here is to remember that there will be both good and bad things on this list. If you’ve only filled up one side, either good or bad, on this list, then you’re lying to yourself.
Part of this process involves accepting who you are right now, while working to better yourself at the same time. But you can’t start to better yourself without accepting that you’re a human with flaws and imperfections and accept yourself right now.
Show Yourself Compassion
Showing yourself compassion is step two in how to build your self worth.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything, right? Me too. Now, take that phrase and apply it to yourself. Tell your inner critic to shut the hell up.
Because beating yourself up accomplishes absolutely nothing. Have you ever had it improve a situation? Yeah, me neither. So instead of letting your inner critic have its way with you, show yourself some love and compassion! It’ll make the process of learning from a mistake and moving on a lot more productive.
My brain goes a million miles an hour, and I’m a complete overthinker. It’s one of my worst habits, I will gladly admit it. There are times when my brain starts going in really negative directions, and I literally have to tell myself to shut up and stop, that this isn’t a productive way to think, and it needs to end.
Accepting responsibility is step three in how to build your self worth.
Playing the victim card and using past experiences as an excuse just doesn’t cut it. It is much easier to blame experiences and circumstances instead of taking responsibility. Yes, those experiences shaped who you are, sure. I can tell you all the ways living in survival mode has impacted my life and shaped how I act and treat people.
I can’t control what has happened to me in the past. It’s the past, it’s done and over with. I can’t change it either. Does it still trigger memories, negative responses, anger? All of the above! I may not be able to change any of that, but what I can change is how I respond when it comes up, and I am completely in control of that. There is a freedom in the ability to be in control of how I respond to something, and the fact I can take responsibility for my emotions and responses.
You have a choice to let yourself be a victim or you can be a survivor. I choose to be a survivor. Which one do you choose? If you’re searching for the person who can change your life, look in the mirror. She’s right there waiting for you.
Stop Neglecting Your Self-Care
Taking care of yourself is step four in how to build your self worth.
When you neglect your self-care, you’re telling yourself that you aren’t worth taking care of. You are literally neglecting yourself. Would you neglect your husband, kids, pets, parents, friends the same way? If the answer is no, then you need to start taking care of yourself the same way you take care of others.
You matter, and self-care is a way you show yourself that you matter. Say it with me, you matter! It is worth repeating.
Assess the Role of Social Media in Your Life
This is step five in how to build your self worth.
How much time are you spending on social media? Are you guilty of comparing your life, looks, and choices to others? Do you care too much about the number of likes you get on a post or photo? Are you spending too much time on pages arguing with strangers who don’t matter?
Here’s the thing: social media is bullshit. Yes, it’s nice to keep in contact with friends and family who live far away, and catch a glimpse into their lives as time goes on and we can’t see them. But it’s also fake, and it is absolutely toxic. It doesn’t show real life. It shows whatever photoshopped picture you upload to it. Nobody is perfect, but it is really, really easy to portray a perfect life on social media.
If you’re wasting time comparing yourself and your life to others on social media, or seeking validation through the number of likes and comments on a post, it is seriously time to take a step back and reevaluate how your time is being spent. Because a detached reality isn’t the place to be, I promise you that.
How to Build Your Self Worth Discussion
Building your self worth isn’t an easy or an overnight process. It takes time and effort. But let me tell you, you’re worth it! Invest in yourself, because the only person holding you back is you, and I know you’re capable of amazing things! Let’s break the cycle!
Have my 5 ways to build your self worth helped you? Are there specific areas that you need to give more attention to? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!