I Miss You More Than Ever, My Friend I miss you more than ever, my friend. It has been four years now since your death, and it really never gets any easier.  This year seems exceptionally rough, in comparison to previous years. Nathan asked me what I wanted to do this year and my response was, nothing. I want to hide out at home, have everything brought to me, and talk to no one besides Nathan, and hate life. This is a definite coping mechanism for me. Thankfully the people closest to me understand this completely.  The Countdown It seems like the 4th of July is the start of the…

I Still Miss You, My Friend I still miss you, my friend. Death is an evil thing, especially when it comes to suicide and having no explanation for it. Three years later, and there are still no answers as to why you are gone. It is hard to believe it has been three years now.  So much has changed since I wrote this last year. When you died, it was a life-changing experience. There was absolutely no going back to anything close to what I considered normal after that. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow, but I was forced to move forward.  That forward momentum has become my…

Another Birthday, My friend Another birthday, my friend. That birthday has arrived, and I keep looking at the date on my arm as it comes closer and closer. It is always a difficult reminder.  Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. Edna St. Vincent Millay As I think back over the last year, everything has changed. Losing you is still a difficult thing, and some days are much worse than others. I am not even the same person I was last year. Sometimes I wonder…

I miss you, my friend. It has been almost two years now since you’ve been gone. I wrote to you on your birthday, so I guess it makes sense to write as the the anniversary of your death approaches as well.  That two years have been a roller coaster, to say the very least. The first year I thought I had it together. I was just starting to integrate myself back into the world and participate in real life again. The anniversary of your death wasn’t too bad.  This year, as it approaches, I feel like I am on a burning rollercoaster and I can’t get off. I was just…

Each day in the United States, an average of 22 veterans die by suicide. 22 per day, and there are 365 days in a year. Just stop and think about that staggering statistic for a moment. These are men and women who fight for our freedoms we enjoy every day. That is 22 too many, in my opinion. Veterans face some unique challenges when returning from deployments and many times that can increase the chances of a crisis or suicidal thoughts. Nightmares/flashbacks. This is the biggest thing that I’ve heard happening to veterans after returning from deployments. Many times they see faces in their nightmares too. Other times the mind…

There is beauty in tragedy. You are never more aware of how beautiful and precious you life is than moments after a near death experience. Beauty is a manifestation of appreciation which, in turn, is a product of gratefulness. Gratefulness is born from suffering and suffering from tragedy and chaos. So I thank you life, for every painful moment of suffering and tragedy you have brought me. In fact, I might date invite the worst, for it would make each breath and waking moment more beautiful. Break my heart again my dearest friend, it would only make me love you more and moreover again. -Sean Ericksen That poem, written by…

Happy birthday, my friend. I miss you so, so very much. Today is bittersweet for me. I think about the few birthdays I got to celebrate with you. Remembering those amazing times. I wish that I had more birthdays to celebrate with you. I distinctly remember the very first one. We were not exactly best friends at that point, and I have no earthly idea why I wanted to go out of my way to celebrate your birthday. I knew you wouldn’t be expecting it, but something inside me just said, do it. Go for it. Which is exactly what I did. Following that need to do something special for…

“Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.” Edna St. Vincent Millay What are the stages of grief? I’d like to discuss them and what those mean for me. I first researched this when I was much younger and I lost my dad to a heart attack. At the age of 14, I had no life experience to fall back on. Everything was brand new. Sure, I’d lost people I knew before. It wasn’t exactly anything new. However, I had never lost someone so close to…

Have you ever known a narcissist? Chances are you’ve met one or two in your life, or even quite a few. Their behavior is very frustrating, and can become quite toxic to your own mental health. I am here to talk about this and my dealings with it, and how to make healthy changes to ourselves when dealing with one. Because so many times we just try to live with it, especially when it is within our family or our close circle of friends. That behavior is normal and within our comfort zone. Yet when we are out of that environment, it becomes easy to see how destructive narcissistic behavior…