Being A Stay At Home Wife
Table of Contents
Being A Stay At Home Wife
Being a stay at home wife. What do you think of when you hear the words ‘Stay At Home Wife’? You automatically think cleaning. A woman who stays at home and cleans all day, right? Yep. Me too, sadly. That really isn’t what it is all about. It took a conversation with a stranger recently to remind me of that. I am so much more than that.
Why I Love Being A Stay At Home Wife
On the 4th of July I went to work with my husband. Nathan works in a restaurant, and there is a beautiful outdoor patio that is nestled along a river, and it is one of my favorite places to go and watch fireworks on the 4th of July. Because I can see them from several different places, all from one vantage point. Perfect.
I was sitting at my table and this older man walks up and asks me if I’m sitting by myself and would I mind if he sat at my table? I’ve done this exact thing myself there during the holiday and couldn’t find an open table. So I was more than happy to let him sit with me, and his wife joined us a few minutes later. They introduced themselves and we had the usual pleasantry of small talk. His name was Fred and hers was Bea.
Bea was German, had a lovely accent and that made chatting with her fun. We talked about Nathan working there, and that is why I usually come here for the holiday. So obviously they knew what my husband did for work. Next up, Bea asked probably the single most awkward question ever to me. Do you work? Well, no. I am a stay at home wife. That question is awkward because when I answer no I don’t work, there’s such a negative stigma attached to it. Like, I’m less of a person because I don’t have a real job. Real meaning outside of my home.
Most people automatically picture a woman spending her entire day cleaning.. Cue the image from 1945 with the white picket fence, 3 bedroom home, family car, and spotless house. It almost has a sexist vibe to it when I say I’m a stay at home wife. Like women who stay at home have no depth to their personality or intelligence kind of thing. That is the stigma attached to that title of being a stay at home wife.
I fully expected this time to be no different than any other person who has ever asked me if I worked or what I did for work. Here comes the surprise. Both of them praised me for doing this! Bea had been a stay at home wife herself, so she understood exactly what it meant, and it reminded me just how much it means to me. It was such an amazing feeling to find another person who has done this and chat about it.
Embracing Creativity
Because of being a stay at home wife, I get to explore my creative side because I have the time. I get to crochet, sew, paint, remodel my home, and so much more. For me, it’s taking care of my family, which consists of my husband and me. But that is kind of a big deal for me. I’m still working. I just don’t need to go outside my home to do so, and I’m not any less of a person because I do this.
We talked about recipes and what was a favorite for our husbands. Which was seriously fun to explain to each other. Nathan’s (my husband) favorite and most requested dish is my stuffed peppers. Fred’s is cabbage rolls. Both are fairly labor-intensive meals. But given the fact we both stay at home, it’s not really difficult to make. I am not so caught up in being busy that I can’t take the time to make my husband’s favorite meal. A meal that is made with love.
We chatted about craft projects and things like that. One of the things I love to do is sew. I’ve made blankets for many friends and family. Now you think, a blanket can’t possibly be that exciting. No, it’s really not.
But when my husband comes home from work in the early morning hours and it is cold, he can curl up with his that I made specifically for him, and enjoy it while he’s relaxing and playing a video game. It makes him smile because it was something I took the time and effort to create for him to stay warm. He’s always telling me in the winter how amazing that is and that was the best thing I’ve ever made for him.
That right there is exactly why I love being a stay at home wife. I have the time to create useful things that are made with love and make someone smile. That is important to me. I’ve crocheted dish rags many times. Those are useful for us, and we didn’t have to go buy them at the store. If one comes apart or is old, I can make another one. Yarn isn’t expensive, and it takes maybe 30 minutes. Perfect.
I look around my house, and I see hard work. A clean house and see useful things I’ve made like blankets, dish rags, and so much more. Upcycled projects, a remodeled home. I see hours of hard work and I feel proud of what I’ve done. I love the fact my husband can come home and enjoy a home. The house I’ve turned into a home. Being a stay at home wife enabled me to do these things.
Making A House A Home
Yes, there is a huge difference between a house and a home. A house is somewhere you rent, so to speak. You’re roommates with the house. It has zero personality, and you just sort of crash there. My home is filled with pride, joy, and love. That makes me happy, because I have given both Nathan and myself a space to relax and enjoy. It may not be the biggest house out there, but it is perfect for us because it is ours and we’ve made it perfect.
I distinctly remember having a chat with Nathan over dinner recently about the meal, and thinking back to the days when we were dating and I first made it for him. He called it comforting the other day. That is a huge compliment! Being able to give someone that comfort and joy just by cooking them a meal is a pretty amazing feeling. The recipe was parmesan dijon chicken.
So being a stay at home wife is not such a bad thing. My conversation with Bea reminded me how much joy I take in that title, and that I shouldn’t be embarrassed by it. So now when someone asks me if I work, I can honestly and without guilt say, yes. I work in my home. Because it is something I’ve worked hard at doing and making it as close to perfect as I can. There is a lot of joy in that feeling.
Embracing Being A Stay At Home Wife
Chatting with Bea reminded me not to be embarrassed by the title of Stay At Home Wife. It’s actually a pretty great title to have! That day I learned to embrace and love my title of being a stay at home wife. That is who I am, and I absolutely love it.
This reminded me to embrace who I am and that is a journey I am currently on. I am embracing my title of stay at home wife. The title of blogger. My journey to become The Homemaking Wife. All of these things are who I am, and that is just perfect. Embrace who you are, and never apologize for it. Never allow someone to make you feel bad for who you are. Because who you are is exactly who you should be. Who you want to be.
Speaking of embracing who I am, I have created a vision board doing exactly that. Check out my blog post about it because it is such an amazing thing! I am in love with it, and looking forward to telling you all about it too.
53 Comments
Ros @ ZenHealth
This is literally me! I’m a housewife too and it’s just my husband and me. I get asked a lot what I do and I always feel strange saying “I don’t work, I’m a housewife.” When the words come out; people immediately stop listening to what I have to say. They assume I’m dumb and can’t get a job (mind you, I have two engineering degrees). It’s frustrating! But I love being home; being creative (like you); learning a new part of life. Since when are we defined by the 9-5 job? Anyway, I’m still working on accepting this housewife-ing thing and seeing what it has to offer 🙂
xo Ros
Thoughts Of A Multipotentialite
This is loveley!
I never look down on stay at home wives/moms. It’s hard work and so nice to get to explore your creative side and do the things you love!!!
Glad you had such a wonderful conversation with people who praised you instead of putting you down. Being a house wife does not define you Xx
Md Anoaruzzaman
Could you please tell me about “A stay at home wife” in short?
Sophia Carter
I have 2 engineering degrees too. My sister in law loves to ask me what I do all day in the most condescending tone. Its caused me sometimes to doubt myself, feel depressed and worthless. But deep down I value my family, and it just makes sense to me to stay at home.
The Prepping Wife
I will never understand why a woman’s worth has to be tied to a career. Kudos to you for doing what is right for you and your family. Don’t let people like your sister in-law make you doubt your own worth. You are so much better than that! There is also no need to explain your choices to her or anyone else either. It is a choice that makes you happy, and that is really all that should matter.
Annie
Im working so much right now and honestly I can’t wait when I will be a stay home wife. x
Kim
I’m so glad I found this. I was beginning to think that I am the only sahw in the world with no kids. I’m having a lot of negative thoughts thrown at me about my choice so I’m going through a rough patch at the moment. Hugs to all of you brave sahw out there. :’)
The Prepping Wife
I’m always looked at as either lazy or incompetent. Like, there’s nothing to my personality and I’m less of a person for not having a career to define who I am. But I know I am awesome, and the lifestyle suits me perfectly. Kudos to you for doing the same, Kim! Just keep being awesome 😀
The Daily Maria
This post is great. You gave me a clear insight to what it means to be a stay at home wife.
Alex @ theminismallholder.com
I love everything about this! I hate that a job role can define us and why does society place so much emphasis on this? I work and try to fit my crafts in around it all. It can be tough and I do feel as if I neglect my husband and our quality of life together. He is a fantastic cook so is more in charge there unless it is the weekend and I have time to spoil us! I love all the work you do on your site as well and that may not be possible if you worked full time on top of it all! Keep inspiring us all!
The Prepping Wife
I definitely don’t think I could do everything I do with my blog if I were working another job. Luckily for me, I am able to work when my husband does. It is my quiet time at home and I am able to focus really well on it. I treat it like a job, and that is really how I get so much done. I am so thrilled at how supportive Nathan is of my blog as well. He is pretty awesome. I couldn’t do it without his support. He actually comes up with ideas and suggestions too, and that is my favorite part. Normally he doesn’t get involved in my projects. But my blog has been one where he will when he has an idea.
Jessica
You know … I really appreciate you posting this because IM currently in between the decision of being a stay at home mom/wife or working part time a my day job. Thanks for sharing !! ❤️
Mindy M Leslie
I am only a temporary house wife due to the pending lawsuits I have against my City for my business, but I have really enjoyed the extra time home. I have been able to do things again that I haven’t had time to do in years. Love this post!
Snehal
Yes, I agree whenever people hear ‘stay at home wife’ they usually think about cleaning and cooking. But sometimes they can be so wrong. So many wives work from home these days. 😊
Madi Dearson
This is so interesting. I just finished writing a post about the things no one tells you about being a work from home mom/wife. One of this things is the perception people have of what it means – some sort of a cross between a cleaning lady and woman of leisure:) Since I have been a stay at home mom and now a work from home mom for the past 8 years, I got used to it. It makes me smile at times because you know what? I choose to be happy and fulfilled by my own rules which is the best thing for me and for my family.
W. D. Herstun
I stay at home too and the stigma sucks.
But what u said is very true, I do have more time for some of my creative outlets and to cook. My daughter is a full time job rn though. 16 months. And that keeps me from doing anything other than sleeping, cleaning, and doing freaking laundry!! 😩
(Btw, stuffed peppers sound dope. Hope u share the recipe soon!)
The Prepping Wife
I can’t believe I didn’t include a link to that recipe! I’ve fixed that now. Here is is as well, my stuffed pepper recipe! If you make it, I would love to hear your feedback.
Ayushi
Such a great post. A job is only a part of who we are and should not define our identity! I love it 🙂
The Bibliophagist
I am a stay-at-home mom. But I agree about the stigma. It sucks that people still have that idea in their minds. Although, I basically do that…I love to be seen as more than that. I like to have time to craft and make things my family can use, upcycle and save money.
Another stigma is that because we stay home we shouldn’t be tired and should have ample amounts of time to get everything done. That is so not true either.
Lauren | My Favorite Job Title Is Mom
Everyone should do what works for them! I couldn’t imagine staying at home. Even with being able to explore things that require creativity, I would go insane, but that’s just me. My husband has stayed at home for the past 3 years and it has only been the past 14 months that we’ve had a child for him to stay home with. He likes it and it works for him. I enjoy my career and make enough for both of us, and he picks up all the household tasks which I hate doing anyway.
You do you!
Despite Pain
People often judge, making us feel awkward about things like this. You are happy doing what you do and happiness is probably the most important thing in life. We should all do what’s right for us and be proud of it.
Candace
I love this! Maintaining a happy home is no easy task. I’m sure your husband loves and appreciates all that you do.
Scott J DeNicola
If you’re happy being a stay at home wife than so be it. It’s a lot of work to maintain a house, cook, and everything that goes along with it. You do you, that’s all that matters!
Subhashish Roy
Awesome reading. That’s how proud every stay at home wife should be. You have let your creativity blossom with love, care & thoughts. Doing what we love to do is the best way to being happy.
Trish Veltman
So many people have such a limited idea of what a successful, worthwhile life looks like. It’s wonderful that you have been able to rise above those people and embrace your choices with pride.
Joyce Osiango
Yes when I hear a housewife, what comes to mind is clean cook, you have made it so clear. There are so many more things to be done as a stay home wife.
Mary Lentz
I like to believe the best in people. I admit, before I became a stay at home mom, I didn’t truly know what it entailed either. Sometimes people just don’t understand until they do it themselves. Ultimately, you don’t need to justify your life to anyone. If you and your husband are happy, nothing else matters. I’m sure you enlightened a lot of people with this, beautiful, honest post ❤️
Megan Kerry
Oh I absolutely love this!! I am a stay at home mom right now and that has its own set of stigmas attached. We live in an interesting time where value is often placed on different measures of success. Usually that success is money and position. I am proud to be at home (working my butt off) and to be the one in charge of keeping things running smoothly. I think it’s so important for a house to feel like home. This is a great post! Thanks so much for sharing!!
Mayuri Patel
I left my job 18 years ago and have not regretted it a bit. It makes me feel proud that I had the option as my hubby can support the family on his own earnings. I get to keep home, spend time with my kids, parents on both sides and other family members. It gives me time to cook and blog and experiment which I love. I do get people asking me what I do the whole day at home and I really want to reply ‘none of your business.’ Not once has my hubby complained that I’m not helping him financially. My way is to budget the household expenses in the best possible way. Stay at home wives or moms don’t have to prove or show what they are doing. Love is the reward.
luna s
I am in the middle, I used to be a stay at home mom full time but not having many adults to interact with was kind of a bummer so now I work four days a week and I am home the other three which is perfect for me!
Tracy @ Cleland Clan
The image some people have of a housewife sitting at home, eating bonbons, and watching soap operas is so unrealistic. I only stay at home three months of the year due to teaching, but I play catch up that entire time. There’s so much on my to-do list.
Live Learn Better
We did the maths, and found out that except you’re gonna earn more than 50K each working outside the house, it doesn’t make sense.
If you have a at least 2 kids, the cost of hiring a nanny, the effect of juggling schedule, and long term effect on the relationship with spouse and kids just doesn’t worth the headache.
Let one person be the umbrella that protect and appreciate the other.
Debra Roberts
I wish my husband could make enough for me to stay home and create a “home”…instead of the usual rush rush mess we live now day to day, rushing past one another as he comes home and I’m a second shift RN. I was married 25 years and had 4 kids with my first husband and always had to work and raise 4 kids. Now I’m remarried and we are both empty nesters, but starting over from scratch together took lots of money and we also love adventures, which also cost money. I’m happy you get to do this and that it all works out for you both!
NIna N
I have high respect and admiration for wives who stay home. The role you play is as important as the husband who is the provider. I work part time and does most of the work at home. For others who know me as someone with Masters degree, they think it’s a waste to just settle with this. My husband reminds me every day I am doing an awesome job.
Carly
I am so thankful that I came across this blog. I originally left my job for health reasons. After months off my husband wanted to relocate and was adamant on me being home even if my health improves. The only thing that seems so hard to shake is those dreaded career questions or people who continue to make me feel less than for a decision that works for us. That has been the hardest for me to accept because I feel like a failure in a sense and sometimes instead of enjoying my time I worry about the people who assume I’m lazy and have no drive even though they haven’t seen me work my tail off years prior. Thanks for showing me I’m not alone.
Eefje D.
I’m a fulltime mom, so I definitely know what you’re talking about! It’s hard work and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it. I think it’s a beautiful thing! You can try out so many different things and hobbies, which is pretty amazing! Anyway, great post!
Lots of love!
Kippi
Now you can add blogger to your title too. I think you are making a living (not paid) for your home and family and it is the most important job! My hats off to you for a job well done. Happy Spring, Kippi #kippiathome
Mama Robbins
Love Love Love how this made me feel reading this. Your words are absolutely dead on. So proud of you for accepting who you are and amazing is what you are!
Lianne
I came across this page because I was researching how to stop feeling guilty and anxious about being a homemaker. I come from a family where the general belief is that there is never enough money, so my parents weren’t happy that I became a homemaker after marrying my husband and completing my studies. My husband and I decided that I should stay at home for multiple reasons.
My husband earns a decent salary that can easily look after both of us and he works from 07:00 to 18:00 Monday to Friday. If I had to work in the field I have a degree in, I would have to work weekday evenings and all weekends, and we would barely see each other. We currently have only one car, which he uses to get to and from work. I enjoy cooking and organizing, and I don’t mind cleaning. I also have a passion for reading, writing and cooking, and thought I’d start a food blog.
Although I know I don’t need the approval of others, and that my husband and I are doing what works for our little family, there are days when my anxiety shoots through the roof. I dread people asking me what I do as a career, because as soon as I say I’m a homemaker, their expressions change and they direct the rest of the conversation to my husband, as if I’m not worth the effort of talking to. I don’t feel like my parents are proud of our decision and it hurts. There are days when I’ve finished the daily chores, and yet I’ll still feel awful. As if there should be more for me to do.
Thank you for your post. I hope that writers such as yourself will help shift our society’s culture of shaming/belittling homemakers to appreciating the role/choices that an individual chooses. I also hope that I can one day heal from my anxiety that I always need to be doing something.
The Prepping Wife
Lianne, thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with me. It is rough when intelligent hard working women are treated as second class citizens because we don’t have the standard corporate 9-5 job. I understand the anxiety. It happens quite often for me as well. But I am proud of you for doing what works for you and your husband! That really is what matters, and you are both happy. When you start your food blog, please let me know so that I can read it! You are such an amazing person that I want to follow and support when you get going. If you need any help getting started, feel free to email me and I’ll give you recommendations as well. Sending you big hugs!
Anna | Yes, Little Hummingbird?
I wouldn’t necessarily agree with the difference between a house and home here (even a rental, if lived in long enough, can be a home), but yes! If it’s not “you’re backwards and brainwashed”, then it’s “why would you spend all your time cleaning every day”. But being a Homemaker is so much more than cleaning- though that’s certainly a big important part of the job; I LOVE the fact that I get to spend as much time as possible with my Husband, and cook- and that I have plenty of time to indulge in my own interests and continued education. And that I don’t have to fight a work schedule to do either.
Kelly Martin
It’s great that you can explore your creative side, care for the home and your husband by being a stay at home wife. I think homemaking should be more valued and it’s definitely something to be proud of.
The Prepping Wife
It was once a very valued job, and we’ve gone away from that. It is definitely something I would love to see make a comeback in terms of acceptance.
Stella
What a lovely post. I really don’t know why anyone’s worth needs to be attached to a career, man or woman. Why do we have to define ourselves by a job. I am learning to define myself in fluid terms. For the first time since I was 18 years old, I do not have a full-time job and I am enjoying it. I do not call myself a stay-at-home mum/wife but I did through a period of awkward answers where I would answer with what I used to do. Now I just say, I don’t work at the moment and I leave it at that. But I also realized how judgmental that question can be. Can’t I just be without having a specific role to play and be paid for it! I really enjoyed reading your take on this.
The Prepping Wife
I love the idea of just saying you don’t work. That is a great answer! I’m with you. I should just be able to be me without being defined by my job, or even any other title.
Kat
I really loved this post and am so glad that Bea and her husband turned out to be so nice. Being a stay-at-home wife (or husband) is not bad at all! And more than that, it isn’t really anyone else’s concern how a household functions. It’s similar to people pressuring others to have children, or not have children, or live in a certain area, etc. If you’re not financing the other people’s lives, why is it any of your concern?
Your life and home both sound lovely, and I love how we can stay at home and do a great variety of things these days. We can even do some paid work if we want, or we can do lots of other worthwhile activities.
Britt K
I will never understand the stigma that is associated with different family roles. Every family is different and the key is to find the best situation for all those involved. Here’s the thing – no one else outside of that family is involved! So, if it doesn’t have any impact on them, why have an opinion? The fact that you prepared for an awkward conversation is a perfect reflection of the trouble with our society.
My husband and I have changed roles multiple times. When we first got together and got married, we were both working but I was the one bringing in the bigger paycheck. He decided that he wanted to change careers, and I supported him in that change. It was stressful at times, but he settled into a career that makes him happier AND pays more. Then, I left my job entirely and went back to school. Not only was he the only one making money, but we were paying tuition. Today, I’m working from home and running my own business. Here’s the thing – there is not a single stage of all of that in which either one of us was lesser in any way!
The Prepping Wife
I love how you and your husband have shifted roles in who makes money several times over the years. My goal is to shift to where I’m the one making money so we can make some big lifestyle changes that will be great for us. Plus my work is portable, just like yours. The fact that you and your husband worked together is an amazing! I’m definitely striving for the same thing.
Stephanie S
I absolutely love this post! I’m a stay at home wife/mother, and my husband always reminds me of all that I do, and what impact I make within our family. My girls are doing online school, so I am busy with school tasks, and I’m also a gardener, a blogger, and much more! Thank you for this uplifting post!
The Prepping Wife
You are a pretty amazing woman, Stephanie! I’m so glad your husband supports you staying at home too. I think the impact within our families is so much more important and where it really matters.
Debra Roberts
Don’t you just love how people judge other’s choices so quickly? I’m glad you found something in common and hopefully, made some new friends too. I snagged that parmesan chicken recipe for tonite too! Good for you for getting to be a stay-at-home wife if that’s what makes you and your husband’s life happy!
The Prepping Wife
It really is amazing how quickly people judge others. I don’t understand why either. If someone is happy, that really should be what matters. I hope you enjoy the parmesan chicken recipe, Deb! It’s been a long-time favorite in my house.
Lyosha
it’s very interesting. I sometimes feel stay at home wife when I have less work to do (which happens in the middle of summer or in January when I typically have no offers). It’s awesome you find it interesting and find things to do for yourself