10 Ways to Be the Best Wife
10 Ways to Be the Best Wife
10 ways to be the best wife. I have been married to Nathan since 2008, and it isn’t always easy. Marriage takes a lot of work. Whoever said it is easy, well, they lie. It’s just that simple. Marriage is hard work. It is rewarding work, but still hard work.
Because marriage is hard work, I am always trying to be the best wife I can possibly be. I know I am the best woman and the best version of myself I can be, but I want to be the best wife as well. That is where this list on how to be a better wife comes in, with my 10 ways to be the best wife.
Make him your top priority
Making your husband your top priority is easily the most important aspect of a relationship, but it is also the one that is the most easily forgotten. Because life happens. Women wear a number of hats, not just wife. But they may include mother and all the hats that come with that, and it is easy for our time and attention to be split in a million different ways.
That means it can often be hard to keep your husband at the top of your priority list. Your husband may not be demanding your attention, but he still needs it. He needs you. He needs to be loved and cared for just as much as your kids, your friends, the elderly parents you may be caring for, whatever the case may be.
Don’t ignore the fact that your husband should be your top priority. Never, never ever let your husband feel alone when you’re right there. That is the worst feeling in the world, and something I strive to avoid, and I do it by making my husband a priority in my life.
Know his love language
When you know and understand what your husband’s love language is, it is a lot easier to communicate and make him feel loved.
Oftentimes we understand our own love language, and we try to give love that same way. But it doesn’t work. It is literally like trying to talk to each other in two totally different languages, and it fails because we don’t understand each other.
Let’s say your love language is receiving gifts, so you try to buy your husband gifts to make him feel special and loved. If his language is quality time, those gifts are not going to be welcomed with open arms and happiness. Not the same way it would feel for you to receive them.
This is frustrating because it can feel like you’re trying to love him to the best of your ability and he’s slamming the door in your face. But the reality is, you’re not loving him in the right way because you don’t understand his love language. Knowing what each of your love languages are is vital to the survival of a marriage, and makes all the difference in the world.
Criticize less, compliment more
When you don’t love yourself, criticizing others, especially your husband becomes really easy. Bad habits always seem to be much easier to develop than good ones. I’ve found this to be especially true when you don’t know each other’s love languages, as that creates a divide in a relationship.
Sometimes it takes a conscious effort to strive for better. Nobody is perfect, and we all screw up. Relationships of any kind are emotional and messy because people are emotional and messy. Everybody is going to screw up. But when we love ourselves and our partner, giving grace and the benefit of the doubt through criticizing less and complimenting more becomes a lot easier.
There will be times when you will wonder how far your husband had to have his head stuck up his ass to screw something up as badly as he did. He probably has moments he wonders the same thing about you. Trust me, I’ve been there. But being overly critical in these moments doesn’t help the situation. If you find that you can’t say something nice, at least turn it into a funny moment by reminding him of something stupid you did.
Always be respectful
Respect nurtures trust and that will go a long way in making a relationship safe for both you and your husband. That makes communication a lot easier when both partners feel safe and know that they can share things.
Showing him respect also shows that you wouldn’t do anything to deliberately hurt him, and makes forgiveness come much faster when you do hurt him accidentally. Remember how I said relationships are messy earlier and everybody screws up? Respect and trust make those screwups a lot easier to handle with grace and kindness because your husband trusts you.
Give him time to himself
This one is really important, because time to himself is allowing him his own form of self-care. It is time to reset and rejuvenate himself, so that when you do come together for time or to solve a problem, you’re getting the best version of him.
Encourage him to indulge in his hobbies, if that is playing sports, video games, building something, whatever it is, help nurture those hobbies and give him time to himself to enjoy them.
For Nathan, his time is in the mornings when he comes home from one job. Between the time he gets home and the time he goes to bed is completely his time. That isn’t for me to interrupt. He’s free to do whatever he wants.
When he comes home in the evenings from his second job, that’s my time with him. That’s when we get to cook a meal together, catch up on our day and talk about work, watch a movie, whatever we decide to do together. We both understand and respect this boundary in our marriage. I don’t mess with his time in the mornings, and he doesn’t try to take away my time with him in the evenings.
I look at nagging as criticizing but with an extra bitchy undertone to it. Like I can’t say anything nice, so I just complain to him about things constantly. Nagging is just being a mean spirited bitch to me, and I say that because I’ve been there and done it. And I didn’t like it.
I mostly didn’t like it because it didn’t produce any productive results. Being nasty and overly critical is an excellent sign that you don’t love yourself, or have any respect for your husband or your marriage. But I also didn’t like it because it meant I was being a negative person, and that wasn’t who I wanted to be. That also creates resentment from your husband.
If you find yourself nagging your husband, I strongly encourage you to take a step back and look inward at why, and how it makes you feel to do that. Does it produce the desired result? Does it make you feel good to act that way? If the answers are no, it is time to make some positive changes.
If you want to make positive changes, try replacing criticisms with gratitude. Think of three things your husband did that day that you appreciated. If nagging is a real issue for you, this may seem impossible the first few times you do it, and that’s ok. Stick with it, and start simple. You can be (and should be) grateful for even the small things your husband does for you each day.
When you replace negative thoughts with gratitude, the nagging will come to a stop, and the communication between you and your husband will improve. But it takes a serious inward shift from you to make that happen. I think that is part of being a loving wife and showing your husband respect.
Encourage him and focus on the good. We all need support and encouragement. No one knows your husband better than you do, nor does anyone else matter as much as you do. So if you’re not supporting and encouraging him, who is? Encouraging him shows that you care and are grateful for everything he does.
Encouragement and support and great motivators and help others to feel good about themselves. Why wouldn’t you want to make your husband feel good about himself?
Fights pretty much always start with poor communication. Someone misunderstands something and gets mad, and it goes downhill from there.
I’m here to tell you that your husband isn’t a mind reader. It’s easy to think that because he knows you better than anyone else that he should be, right? Well, he’s not. Despite whatever preconceived notion or wishful thinking on your part, he’s still not a mind reader. Don’t expect him to be one. You’ll save yourself a lot of headaches by just using your words and communicating effectively.
Communication in a marriage is vital, and I don’t think the importance of it gets the respect it deserves. This is my personal number one on my priority list of the 10 ways to be the best wife.
Never, ever stop dating your husband. Marriage is not the end of dating! I think it is just the beginning, quite honestly.
Dating your husband means you’re making time for each other. It allows both of you to feel important, valued, and loved.
Dating each other shouldn’t break the bank either. Here are my favorite inexpensive date night activities. Don’t let something like the cost stop you from dating your husband. That is an excuse, and shouldn’t even be an option in your marriage. There are tons of inexpensive date night activities you two can do together. Be creative!
Don’t bad mouth him
Remember, you picked your husband. You said yes when he asked you to marry him. If you’re speaking badly about him to others, you’re speaking badly about yourself, because you chose to marry him.
If there are issues within your marriage, they aren’t anyone else’s business. Keep your mouth shut, unless you can speak with kindness and respect. I think this should apply to life and people in general, but it especially applies to a marriage and your husband. Talking badly about your husband is a sign of disrespect, both to your husband and your marriage, and that isn’t fair to him.
If you have the time and energy to complain about your husband to other people, you’ve got the time to take a step back and focus on the actual problems that need to be solved instead. That is a much more productive use of your time.
10 Ways to Be the Best Wife Discussion
These 10 ways to be the best wife are something I constantly work on. I’m not perfect, trust me. Nor do I expect perfection from myself or my husband.
It is easy to become stagnant and complacent in a marriage, and to complain about your partner. But here’s the thing to remember, you can’t change someone else or their behavior. But you can change yourself. I have found that when I focus on myself and strive to be the best, I set the example for my husband, and he then feels loved, wanted, and safe, so he strives to be the best as well.
Like I said, I can’t change his behavior, but I can set a great example of what a good wife is and that gives him motivation and encouragement to want to be the best husband.
Marriage is a partnership, it takes two to make it amazing. But that requires work from both, and why I strive to be the best. I want the best for my husband, so I need to give him the best version of me that I can. I have complete control over my choices and my actions, and I can set a great example through these 10 ways to be the best wife.
Becoming the amazing wife you want to be isn’t an overnight process. Just like with your marriage, it takes time, commitment, and consistency. Be patient with yourself as you work on becoming the best wife you can with these 10 ways to be the best wife.
I hope you have enjoyed the 10 ways to be the best wife. Have these 10 Ways to Be the Best Wife tips helped you? Are there areas you excel at, or areas you need to focus on? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!
Lindsey at migraineroad
There is so much insight in this post! My husband and I have been reading about the 5 love languages and that has really changed our relationship. This is a great reminder to hold onto that. You also have great points about making him an priority and dating him. I know I can be occupied with the to do list and that can’t take over our relationship. Thanks for sharing!
The Homemaking Wife
Yes, Lindsey! Knowing your husband’s love language and dating him are absolutely essential for the survival of your marriage. I’m so glad you’re taking those steps.
ok, that’s ultimate, that’s everything. All I actually can write as a wife of 10 years is my agreement. YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!
The Homemaking Wife
Thank you so very much, Lyosha!