Seven Ways to Love Your Husband
I’ve been married to my husband, Nathan, since 2008. That’s a pretty significant chunk of time, and it isn’t always easy. Marriage takes work, and lots of it. There are times when I want to smother Nathan with a pillow because he’s irritating me. And I swear that in those moments, he goes out of his way to do the best job at it that he possibly can.
The fact is that it happens to everyone. No matter how much we normally get along, there will be times your husband is infuriating, and you’ll do the exact same thing to him. Why? Relationships are emotional and messy, and it is just human nature.
However, instead of smothering your husband with a pillow, (I know, it sounds great in your head at that moment!), let’s focus on growing and learning in these moments, and taking a much healthier and more productive route to reconnect and maintain your sanity.
The key to a successful marriage is to love your husband, even when you’re struggling to like him.
Don’t Take Yourself, or Your Husband, Too Seriously
Life is short! Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself and each other. Allow yourself the ability to make mistakes, say stupid things, and then learn from it.
There was a day where Nathan made one of the dumbest demands I’d ever heard come out of his mouth. It took some serious self-control not to tell him just that, but I instead simply walked away. Later he came and apologized, as he should have. He absolutely took the high road on this one, and I both respected and appreciated it. At that moment, as we were talking about it, I started laughing, because his demand wasn’t even something he could actually do, and I pointed that out.
Minus the apology from him, this wasn’t even worth a discussion. We both just laughed and kept right on going. If you can’t laugh at your own stupidity and own it, as there is usually plenty to go around from both partners, what is the point of life? Nobody is getting out of it alive, so lighten up and laugh when the moment presents itself.
Relax, take a hike, do something that will calm your mind and body. When a couple can find ways to relax, they are far less likely to get irritated by little things. You know the old phrase, “don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things,” really applies in this instance. Chill, and just roll with things.
Take a minute to simply breathe. Taking that time gives you the opportunity to be more mindful in that moment, instead of being so mad that the censor between your brain and your mouth has a complete failure.
Remember how earlier I said I had to walk away when Nathan said something dumb? That moment allowed me the time to breathe instead of telling him just what I thought about what he had to say. Because I’m here to tell you that without taking the time to breathe, the censor between my brain and my mouth really does fail, and that just makes things worse more often than not.
Be Mesmerized by His Eyes, Again
Eyes are the window to the soul. Looking into your husband’s eyes will remind you that he is your husband and not the span of satan. Looking into his eyes is a great reminder that he’s still a human, he’s your husband, and he’s the person you love.
Always remember who he is, and why you married him. He’s not there just to make your life miserable, despite feeling like it at that moment. He’s there to be part of the journey we call life, and he’s picked you to take that journey with. Look deeply into his eyes and remember that.
Hopefully he does the same to you when you’re having one of your own moments where he wants to smother you with a pillow.
Shut Your Mouth and Open Your Ears
Laura over at Cycle Breaker Parents said once that every single behavior tells us something, and that is something that has stuck with me ever since. When you stop talking and listen, it becomes easier to see what your husband is trying to tell you through his behavior. Because I guarantee the answer isn’t just to irritate or infuriate you. There is something deeper behind that.
But too often we forget to shut our mouth and open our ears to actually find the root of the problem. Are you striving to be the best wife you can be, or is your husband feeling like he’s not a priority in your life? Is he taking care of himself properly? Is he being given the time and encouragement to do so?
Every behavior tells you something. The real question is, are you open to seeing it and hearing the deeper message behind it?
Relive Old Memories
Stop and think about why you fell in love with your husband. What attracted you to him? What was your favorite date night you’ve had? Why was it so special? What are the qualities that drew you to him in the first place? Some of my favorite memories with Nathan are meals that we’ve made together.
All of these things were the foundation and building blocks to your relationship, and ultimately to your marriage. Taking the time to remember these things will also serve as a reminder that your husband is still a person, and should still be the person you love.
Take a look at old pictures, think about the memories, and remember the feelings those events evoked in those moments. One of my favorite memories is an old picture from when I was first dating Nathan, taken at the coast. It was an amazing trip. Some ten years later, he wanted to go back and take another photo in the exact same place, the exact same pose, everything. It was so sweet, and something I love looking back at.
Think about your own memories like that, and enjoy them.
Reorganize Your Priorities
Is your husband a priority in your life? Have you two developed bad habits or do you have a healthy relationship? Sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate these things. If they aren’t working, well, let’s fix it. Remember that a successful marriage isn’t two perfect people. It is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
Sometimes when I start fighting with Nathan, it is because I don’t feel heard or listened to, and I have to break out the fair fighting rules so that it becomes a safer discussion for both of us, as I tend to become angry when I don’t feel heard. That is something that has really helped us over the years.
As I said earlier, every behavior tells you something. So the question is, do you need to reorganize your priorities because your husband doesn’t feel like he’s at the top of that list? That can be a huge catalyst for behavior changes, and you may need to stop and reorganize your priorities.
Sometimes when you’re not happy with your husband, this tip seems close to impossible. I get it, because I’ve been there. Nathan always wants to be cuddly when he knows I’m not happy with him, and I’m not always the most willing to accept that display of love and affection.
But it is absolutely necessary to cuddle together. Physical touch is not only a love language, it is the building block of strong and long-lasting bonds. Sometimes this is one of the best reminders that your husband is still your husband, no matter how much he irritates you at times. A good cuddle session can rekindle those feelings, evoke great memories, and just remind both of you how much you love each other.
Marriage is hard work, as I’ve said before. But it is certainly worth repeating. There will be times you don’t like your husband because of something he’s said or done. It’s going to happen, no matter what, because nobody is perfect. Don’t expect perfection, or you’re going to constantly be very disappointed. But the key is to love your husband, even when you struggle to like him.
As with everything in life, everyone is different. Some of these tips may or may not work for you. Have these tips helped you in any way? Do you have any suggestions to add? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!